In 1974 I was introduced to a New Age book: The Handbook to Higher Consciousness written by Ken Keyes Jr. Ken had founded the Living Love Center in Berkeley California, and it was a hot house for spiritual growth. I immediately became obsessed with this teaching. It was new and exciting and gave me the power to enter into social situations that a normally would have been to shy to enter.
I was working at that time as a Teacher Aide in Saint Louis Missouri. On my summers I would go to Berkeley and absorb the teaching and the atmosphere that Ken and his commune offered. Eventually in 1977, I decided to quit my job, and moved to the Living Love Center to live permanently. Ken an I became best buddies. Mainly, I believe, because of my ability to articulate his teaching and to walk the talk.
( A little back story is in order here, to give my reader a full flavor of what was going on.)
Tragically, Ken had contacted polio in his early years, and was in a wheelchair. Yet that did not stop him from going wherever he wanted to go. He had to be helped in and out of the tub for bathing. That became one of my jobs, in the house. Many mornings would find us, he in the tub, with me sitting alongside talking. I became the ultimate groupie. Imitating his mannerism, and his ways of talking. One of his favorite saying was, “I hear that”. So guess what, that became my favorite saying also. I was content. and felt I had found a home.
Reality slowly began to creep in, and I started to see that all that glittered was not gold. There were several instances that marked this. I will highlight the bigger ones: The women in the group complained that Ken had taken advantage of them sexually. He denied it, and said all the encounters he had had were mutual. He said, “How can I, in a wheelchair chase anyone around a desk”. He made light of their allegations. Nevertheless, at that meeting the hard feelings were not resolved.
Consequently, when this next incident happened my faith was shaken all the more. It had to do with a power play between, Norman, the Head Trainer and Ken. Norman wanted a bigger slice of decision making. He wanted to be partners with Ken. Ken would not share his glory with anyone, and a schism formed, between Ken, and Norman, in the house. Eventually, however, Norman decided to leave, taking his most loyal fans with him. One of his faithful fans was Carol Thompson, she stayed on in Berkeley however, and took over the Confederate’s position as Head Trainer. Carol would eventually try a take over. More subtle than Norman’s. She wanted Ken to take the financial helm of the organization while she did the training. This did not go over well.
Despite the inner conflicts the organization grew, we left our 3 story mansion in the Berkely Hills, and bought a 160 acre Catholic Seminary in St. Mary Kentucky for $670,000. We were riding high on the outside, yet the inner conflict did not heal itself. The name was changed to the Cornucopia Institute, and we were poised to do great things in the New Age world.
I had a couple of bad conversations with Ken, that left me disenchanted. One of note: I said to Ken, “Ken I think we are trying to save the world, yet we don’t have it all together. Why don’t you give me a couple of people, and we may be able to perfect this thing”. He said, Abe (I had changed my name) I want you to sit in the audience, and whenever you hear me trying to save the world I want to you note it”. I said, “Ken it is not in what you say, it is how you act.”
At that time I was 25 year old. My life lay before me, and I began wondering if I wanted to spend it in this fashion. There were things I had wanted to do, yet had not done. I had never lived independently. Never had my own job and my own apartment. Always I was with this group or that group, at home, in college. I longed for that experience to have my own place. So I did something very revolutionary, I left.
I came back to St. Louis, and got a job working with Abused and Neglected children with the Salvation Army. My sister was working there and she got me on. I felt like I was doing something worthwhile. I had not sold out to the Establishment, because I was helping in a truly noble cause; I told myself. Mind you, I still had my contempt for Christians, yet somehow I could work with them to get this noble task done.
I met a woman, Gail, she was a Christian, also a Child Care worker. We really hit it off. She became my girlfriend. She was a leader in her church youth group. I would join her in those outings. Something strange happened to me on a couple of occasions while I was with her. I would get this tremendous euphoric feeling, that lasted a couple of seconds. I would want to be around Gail, just hoping to get that feeling again. Later, after my conversion, I realized that this was the Holy Spirit, trying to get my attention.
On one of those outings one of the leaders in the youth group confronted me, he said. “Glenn do you believe in God”. I said. Of course I believe in God”. He said, “Well do you go to church”. I said, “No I am getting to God my way”. (My idea of God was this Deity on some mountain, that I had to scale to get to the “Truth,” to God). Then he said, “Glenn, I think you are getting to a lot of groovy feelings, but you are gonna end up in hell. To get to God you have got to get to the God of the Bible”. He went on to say, “I use to be into Krishna Consciousness, I know what I am talking about”.
What struck me about that conversation was: John did not debate or try to argue with me, he stated his convictions in a matter of fact, take it or leave it fashion.
Consequently, because of his lack of argument, his almost Stoic approach, it had a profound effect on me. I could not shake this off. Yet, I had heard it before. Those Jesus freaks in Berkeley dressed in their robes I had pitied. Thinking that these were mamby pamby babies who did not have a clue, I had looked down on them with contempt.
So that night when Gail an I were alone I said, “Do you know what John said, He said, “I was going to hell, and to get to God I had to get to the God of the Bible”. I thought she was going to say, ” Pay no mind to John. John is a little weird.” What she said was, “Glenn, that is what I have been trying to tell you. When I talk about God and you talk about God we are not talking about the same thing. To get to God you have got to get to the God of the Bible”. That was April 16, 1980.
Since that time, I have learned that the love I thought I had in Living Love was a type of subtle manipulation, based in the flesh, and to get Real love I had to get to the love that is talked about in 1 Cor.13.