Finding Serenity With Acceptance

One of the reasons I like working with addicted people is that it affords me the opportunity to be a partner with God, to be a partner with the God of the Universe. Bringing that second life to others, I believe will stop the generational curse. And to think; we have an opportunity to stop it in our lifetime.

I really do believe that this topic is one of the most privitol topics of the day, and will be a turning point in lust recovery. I say that because it deals with the guilt and the shame that keeps us stuck.

This blog is going to be broken up in two parts. (1) Emotional Sobriety, and (2) Gratitude.

Alcoholics Anonymous’ founder Bill Wilson is said to have said that Emotional Sobriety is the final frontier of recovery, I believe him, the inner landscape is limitless. It is our emotional mismanagement that causes us to act out. Let’s define the term Emotional Sobriety before we go on, so we will be on the same page. Emotional Sobriety: Being comfortable with all our feelings in the present moment. Not allowing our negative emotions to define us. Being aware of our feelings, accepting them and taking actions that are considerate and helpful. Our admission of powerlessness is the key to our sobriety. Our admission of powerlessness over our defects of character is the key to our emotional sobriety. We gain emotional sobriety by working on our defects. So to be emotionally sober we have to know how we feel about these shortcomings, if we are angry, fearful, despairing, we need to know that.

So now, let’s take a great deal of time to talk about the 3 A’s, that are so famous in the Anon programs: Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

Awareness: Awareness is so very crucial in emotional sobriety for us, yet it is often ignored. Knowing how we feel can have a life changing impact on us. When we are angry or fearful, and unaware of it, that doesn’t mean the emotions go away. No, these emotions undetected eat away at our emotional wellbeing like termites eating away at the foundation of a house. We can repress and suppress those feelings deep inside by sheer willpower. We can smile on the outside, and be as mad as a hatter on the inside.

This is a great motivation to talk about our hidden scenarios with a closed mouth person, someone you know that can keep a confidence. It takes a lot of emotional, physical and spiritual energy to hold those things in. A truckload of life and energy is waiting to be released once we have talked with someone about those things, we had decided to take to our grave.

This is why we act-out, the weight of yesterdays and todays negative emotions weigh us down. The “addict” is always waiting and watching for a weak moment.

Acceptance: Acceptance of that thought or emotion we have become Aware of. “Yes, this is how I feel, and it’s alright, it’s okay.” Acceptance of a feeling does not mean it defines us. It is simply accepting the reality that the feelings exist. The feelings may be impure, yet at this point in time this how we feel. No one wants to be fearful, or angry, yet being aware of fear and anger, and accepting it, is the key to our emotional sobriety. These feelings have ambushes us, and we can’t handle them on our own. Acceptance empowers us, and tells God we a ready to get on with THE PLAN. When we are angry, owning that reality allows us to accept ourselves. Denying we are angry keeps us stuck, for the FACT IS we are angry, now what are we going to do about it.

Action: Action brings us into the real world. When we know how we feel, when we accept how we feel, we will take the right actions that are considerate and helpful to all concerned. When we know how we feel we will know what to do. Without action we are left as victims to our circumstances.

A practical way of looking at the 3 As is to look at a Feeling Chart. A Feeling Chart is a chart that gives definitions of emotions and their synonyms. I am going to give you some descriptions of emotions to give you a sense of the importance of knowing how you feel. This Feeling Chart was taken from the book, “I’ll Quit Tomorrow” by Vernon Johnson pages160-163

Fear: ( A feeling of dread in the presence of or from the threat of danger) Other words to describe Fear are: Terror, Panic, Alarm, Trepidation, Horror, Timid, Fright, Scare, Anxiety, Nervousness, Jumpy, Worry, Distrust, Mistrust, Jittery, Apprehension, Flight, Escape, Uneasy, Restless, Cowed, Cowardly, Cautious, Astonished, Startled, Worry, Appalled

Hate: ( A feeling of revulsion against evil) Other words to describe Hate are: Dislike of, Cold toward, Indifferent to, Repelled by, Despise, Withdrawn from

Aversion: ( a feeling of movement away from an “evil” which is hated) Other words to describe Aversion are: Turn away from, Withdrawn from, Rejection of, Distant from, Repelled by, Get out, Get away from, Escape, Avoid, Evade

Desire: ( a feeling of movement toward or in the direction of a “good” which is loved )

Longing for, Craving for, Coveting, Need for, Impulse toward, Hanker for

Despair: (a feeling of expectation of “evil” of expectation that a “good” which is loved and desired cannot and will not be attained-or, that an “evil” which is hated cannot or will not be avoided) Other words to describe Despair are: Hopeless, Desperate, Inevitable, Despondent, Doubtful, Skeptical, Suspicious, Discouraged, Disappointment, Trapped, Cornered, Stopped, Defeated, Helpless, Inadequate, Lost

Sorrow: ( a feeling of sadness which accompanies the loss of a “good” or the presence of an “evil”) Other words to describe Sorrow are: Saddened, Grieved Embarrassed, Humiliated, Depressed Melancholy, Unhappy, Sorry, Dejected, Gloom. It really helps to search out information on grieving rituals. Finding grieving rituals helps us get pass our loss, so that our loses can be weaved into the fabric of our lives.

Courage: (a feeling of strength to overcome difficulties in the way of achieving a “good” or enduring a “evil”) Other words to describe Courage are: Spunk, Guts, Bravery, Risking, Patience, Endurance, Toughness, Confidence, Competence, Assurance, Bold, Audacious, Cocky.

Love: ( A feeling of attraction toward “good,” toward beautiful) Other words to describe Love are: Liking of, Warmth toward, Affection for, Passion for, Tenderness toward, Drawn toward. Friendly toward, Captivated by Concern for, Admiration for, Wonder at, Attracted by.

Hope: ( A feeling of confident expectation that the “good” we love and desire will be ours, will be achieved or possessed by whatever help is needed) Other words to describe Hope are: Brightness, Confidence, Trust, Expectant of, Anticipate, Aspire to, Trust, Reliance on Faith in, Buoyancy.

As I have shown, it is vitally important to know how you feel. Without knowing how you feel you are part of the walking dead. You are part of the majority of people who are reacting to life instead of dealing with life as an adult.

Another key point of this conversation, which will rounds it out is: Gratitude and Acceptance. It has been said that a grateful heart will never drink alcoholicly. Romans 8:28 is a key verse here, God has a higher purpose for allowing the seemingly bad in life. When I believe that; I stop fighting. I stop wishing for God to take it all away. I stop demanding more than my share. I may not understand it, yet I accept it, because God said it.

First thing to remember is, God is more interested in character building, than ease and comfort. Page 417 in the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” says, “An acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment….”

Thanking God for our situations and believing it is part of God’s wonderful plan, as I have said, brings serenity. God is permitting, our discomforts, our tragedies, so He can stretch our faith. All things work together for our good, and in all things give thanks, for this is God’s will for us, in Christ Jesus. When we align our will with God’s we begin to use our will rightly.

Hopefully this talk has been helpful in helping you find Serenity with Acceptance.